When (If ever) will we have definitive answers concerning Calvin and Knox?
I don’t know.
When (If ever) will Calvin or Knox have another convulsive seizure that causes them to lose control and scream out in fear when it finally stops?
I don’t know.
When (If ever) will we know what the future looks like for our family? How long will the boys require a special diet? Is the diet really helping? In Calvin’s history of seizures he has gone almost a year between his first seizure and his second, so is the diet really helping or are we just waiting for another one to come? Will Calvin and Knox ever have normal brain scans? (As of their last EEG they both exhibit the same abnormal electrical brain waves.) Will we ever be able to narrow down the common gene factor that attributes to their seizures and abnormal brain activity? Will Shiloh (our little girl coming in September) have the same gene variation? With all the uncertainty concerning Calvin and Knox, why did God choose now to bless us with another child?
I. Don’t. Know.
I know the One Who Does Know.
I know the One who created the universe with just a Word (Genesis 1). I know the One who created Calvin and Knox and Shiloh and Elijah (Psalm 139). I know the One who has All Wisdom and All Power and All Knowledge (Psalm 104). And He loves me (1 John 4:7-12, John 3:16, Romans 8:28-29). He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). He will never leave me or forsake me (Deuteronomy 3:16). I cannot be plucked from His hand (John 10:28-29). He loves my children- even more than I can (Matthew 19:14, Psalm 139). He is God and I am not. He is perfect and He loves perfectly. His plans cannot be thwarted. He is in control. Christ is seated at the right hand of the majesty on High and in His perfect time He is coming back and He will defeat the Father of Lies and at the name of Him, Jesus, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord and He Will Reign. There will be no more tears. No more sorrow. No more pain.
But for now…
For now, for a little while, we are grieved by various trials (1 Peter 1)
though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith- more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:6-7
May my faith be tested and may He be glorified. And when I fail to trust Him, may I be refined. I truly rejoice in knowing that these trials are proving my faith to be real, that I am His, and that—because He holds me—I cannot be snatched from His hand. I rejoice that—because He loves me—I can love Him (1 John 4:9). I pray that His strength may be perfected in my weakness (2 Corinthians 2:9-12) and that this life I live may point to Him.
So when I don’t know what the immediate future holds or what the details of our life will be, I can rest in the One who does (Proverbs 3:5-6).
UPDATE: We were blessed to visit with the boys’ pediatric neurologist on the 15th. We didn’t get many more answers, but are making slow progress in (Lord willing) finding an accurate diagnosis. Doctors remain pleased with the boys’ nutritional levels and the now more than 6 months of seizure-free living. Please continue to pray for clarity and that the nutritional plan would continue to prove an effective treatment. Thank you for all of your support!
Thank you for praying for our family! If you’d like to help with caring for the boys and supporting their treatment, you can give on PayPal or Chase QuickPay, using the email: email@example.com